I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
