How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
