Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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