Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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