I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
