I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
