I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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