2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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