I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
