that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
