You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
