I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
