so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
