You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
