Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
