Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize