well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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