I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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