Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
