I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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