I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
as a side note pls kill me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
