porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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