He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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