So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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