the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize