I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
