I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize