Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
