I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Couch. On fire.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize