thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
