You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The power of my boobs compel you
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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