apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
