Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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