Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
