He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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