I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
