i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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