Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
