Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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