So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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