do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
