I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
