Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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