p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
