If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
