The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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