I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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