I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
