my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
