Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
