I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
