I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
