Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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