Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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