I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
