Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
