Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
