I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize