By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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