He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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