Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There are leaves in my underwear?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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