you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
