bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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