I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
